Well last night Lance and I had a very long talk which I always love and of course tears came like always lately for me.
There are somethings I will never understand but thats okay I have come to realize that life is full unknowns and things we can't rap our heads around.
I have been frustrated lately with the fact that is June now and we MC in December and given the green light to TTC since February. I think I just thought we would get preggers right away since my body knows how but that hasn't been the case and between wanting to have a baby we have both been scared because of the fear of losing one again.
I don't know how I got so blessed to have such a great husband he is seriously the sweetest thing ever! last night we were talking about alot of stuff and Mr McGee for the first time actually said to me that he was scared and then the next thing he said made me cry and just fall in love with him all over again he said "I don't like to see you hurt and in pain and that really hurt." and i said sweetheart thats out of your control. and then he said " but its my job to protect you form pain and hurt."
My sweet husband always wanting to make sure I'm happy and safe and free of anything painful or heartbreaking....I had to remind him of the ultimate plan. with out pain we would know no Joy. and it was such a sweet moment. I know the MC was hard on him but I forgot that it was probably harder on him cause he had to be the one to catch me and pick up the pieces and how much that must of hurt him to see me in so much pain and heartache and all he could do was watch and hold me through it all. He is such a great man and an amazing husband I know without a shadow of doubt he is going to be the most amazing Daddy ever!
I'm pretty sure in the pre-exsitence when Heavenly Father called me up to give me my mission and let me know what I was about to get myself into on Earth ..when it came to this part in my life I probably cried and he assured me it would be okay cause he was going to make sure that through all of this heart ache and pain he would put a righteous amazing sweet caring and loving man named Lance McGee next to me to hold hands with through it all and that that he was going to help me through it. and that has made all the difference.
I have hope and I have faith that all the things I don't understand and ask why? its not really important its how I make it through even if i don't know why and i don't understand i know Heavenly Father loves me and Lance and that no matter what thats really all that matters. just some days are harder than others :)