September 9, 2015

Butterflies and Tender Mercies

Ever since my sweet Aunt Judy passed away in February of 2012 I have seen more butterflies and in the most strange ways and places. In texas we use to go on walks me and my little one Kensley and we would seriously see 10 just flying around us during the walk. In our backyard one came and landed on me and stayed a little while and when we go grocery shopping I have seen them in the parking lot. My aunt loved butterflies and I know it's her way of telling me she is closer than I think and that she's aware of me. Well FRIDAY was our ultrasound to determine if this pregnancy was going to last and if we would hear a heartbeat. As I was sitting in the waiting room a huge black beautiful butterfly was flying by the windows and just fluttered outside for a long while and I knew it was Aunt Judy letting me know she was there and that everything was going to be okay it is what it is. And my heart knew that the news I was going to receive wouldn't be good news. But I felt at peace. Sure enough the ultrasound was done and bless the ultrasound tech heart she saw the tears in my eyes and said I'm sorry I can't say anything until I talk to the midwife and I already knew that and knew from my past that baby didn't grow and there was no heartbeat I didn't have to have the midwife tell me what I already knew and every so often my emotions get the best of me and I cry but then I put myself back to the waiting room where I saw the butterfly and felt that beautiful  peaceful feeling and then I'm better. I know the Lord has given me many tender mercies throughout all of this and I'm so grateful for them! 

2 comments:

Jess Christensen said...

I love you and miss you, Brittany! My heart goes out to you and Lance. Thanks so much for sharing your heart.

McGee said...

I miss you tons Jess! Wish I was living closer to you! Thanks for your kind words.