Faith in the Lord's Timing

It's no surprise I'm very open with my blog. I have blogged about my highs and my lows our infertility struggles our miracles. So here is another raw blog about us. It's a novel so bare with me if you want.

July of this year we were pleasantly surprised to find out I was pregnant. I was a little nervous because our sweet Emily (19 months) has yet to sleep through the night. However Lances Grandma did energy work on her and no joke she has been sleeping 5-6 hour stretches! Amazing! So I was feeling a lot better about it. I found a midwife and our due date April 1st 2016! Which made us laugh! We had our first ultrasound beginning of August and found out our due date and ultrasound dates were off I wasn't as far along as we thought so repeat ultrasound in a week ( My heart knew this wasn't going to be a healthy pregnancy) so at the next ultrasound no baby was seen but growth and a yok sac was there then hcg levels were drawn and repeat ultrasound finally a baby was found! No heat beat but levels were rising on the low side.. So another Repeat ultrasound no heart beat again and no growth. Which means I was going to miscarry again for the third time I know many woman who have had more than that and it doesn't get any easier getting that news. My midwife gave me two weeks to see if my body would naturally start the process of aborting. so the waiting game began and that same day we left for holbrook for my nieces baby blessing. I figured after Labor Day weekend I would look into taking blue cohosh. Well my body had other plans Saturday it started and by Monday "Labor Day" I woke up at 4am with contractions  hard painful ones and so it began. First off my in laws are amazing and I feel so blessed to have them. It wasn't the ideal situation but they watched my kids and my girls were playing with cousins and I was able to take it easy and Lance was a trooper seriously I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him. He was such a help to me even in the grossest of times and always treated me with tenderness and understanding and love. He truely is beyond amazing and wonderful and I am so glad he and I get to walk through this life together hand in hand. I don't understand Heavenly Fathers Timing.. I don't know why I had to lose two babies before getting my sweet Kensley and then Emily but I know I grew so much and learned so much about myself and my relationship with my husband and my savior. I don't know why I got pregnant when we were preventing for it only to end in losing that baby. But I don't need to know right now because the past has taught me that one I will survive this and dwelling on the questions I can't get answers for only lead me to bitterness and depression and that's just not me. I have been down that road and I don't like it at all. Life is too short for me to go into that long lonely road so I chose light. And love. Two I know with out a doubt the Lord is looking out for me and is  aware of me and my sweet family. I know we go through hard times so that it can help us to grow and be a better version of ourselves. So even though I would never choose this trial/test it is what it is. This already is a novel and if you are reading this still you're amazing I just wanted to get this out. I'm not one to keep things secret or not share what's going on with me. So for all who are still reading and going through a hard time in the words of elder Holland  'Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.' 

A Lot Happens ...

 In A Year.

A year ago I never pictured ourselves where we are now. A lot has happened. I got my first positive pregnancy test, I got to wear my "Baby" shirt finally, I got to be pregnant at the same time with one of my best friends, I got the worse ER visit ever, and had my heart shattered and my world turned upside down with my first pregnancy loss, I got to go to Italy and visit Venice! Lance applied to Chiro School, Lance got accepted into Chiro School, I got my second positive pregnancy test and got to be pregnant at the same time as my sister and a few of my close friends, and yet again got my heart broken by the fact that I miscarried again, We moved to Texas, started Chiro School, and got a job at Dollar Tree, I also got accepted to be on season 6 Win Lose or Blog, lost over 22 pounds, and  I am Still madly in Love with my Husband...
  A lot happens in a year. A lot has happened that I wish didn't happen but because it did Lance and I have grown so much more closer and I have a deeper respect for him that words can never describe. I am grateful I have a Father In Heaven who knows me and who has not forgotten me. I know there are good things to come... even when the road may be extremly painful and hard. There is Beauty that can still be found.  Thank Goodness I have an amazing spouse to walk hand and hand with on that road even though a lot of the times I feel like he is carrying me.  So like I have many times before Mothers please hold your littles ones just a little longer tonight. Kiss them one more time before they go to bed and Hugg them just a little tighter for Me and for all the Mothers who have yet to hold their little ones. Thank You.