A day that shines light on so many who silently mourn for their sweet angels. This is my second October 15th in which I have had the amazing oppurtunity to finally hold my sweet miracle in my arms. Last year I was extremely emotional (4 weeks postpartum) and my heart was just over joyed to have Kensley in my arms! This year I reflected a lot more on the past years between the TTC and only seeing that negative line month after month after month to the year I finally saw my positive line only to have my baby die in my womb, and then 7 months later get another positive to only again have tradgedy strike again and right before we moved hundreds of miles away from my family and friends. And then on a cold day in January 2012 another miracle a BFP and this time for some amazing reason this baby stayed with me after a high risk pregnancy bleeding early on and GD she was born healthy. She was our Rainbow and has brought so much peace into our hearts and joy in our lives. Not that we didn't have joy before because we did but this was a different kind of joy and I felt so blessed and so lucky to be her Mom. And every time she says Mama our how my heart smiles. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would get a second miracle. I didn't allow myself to hope so deep. If I only had her then okay at least I have her. But i figured it would be another 5 years before such miracle would happen. But in the middle of our crazy life and my body getting back to "normal" We got another miracle! I am so excited and thrilled that Kensley is going to have a little sister. My heart still aches for the babies I didn't get to hold and the heart break we went through but I know with out a shadow of doubt that because of my experience and the things we have had to endure and overcome that we are better parents and more compassionate towards others who are fighting the fight to make their dreams come true that comes so easily for others yet so dang difficult for some!
So tonight I lit 3 candles 1 for each of my angel babies and 1 for a sweet friend who's son returned to heaven way to young this year and I kissed my Rainbow baby a little bit more today and held her just a little bit longer tonight. Because I know I'm one of the lucky ones who still has her little one here on Earth. To all who have suffered a pregnancy or infant loss my heart goes out to you and I am so very sorry for the pain you have had to endure. God Bless you all.
